Nonviolent Communication Rule 3
One part of practicing nonviolence is improving your nonviolent communication. Now we will talk about rule number 3.
- Observation in silence
- Pausing (and now speak)
- Listening
- Silence
LISTENING
After you speak, stop, pause and wait for a response. This will take a minute if your partner is also practicing nonviolent communication because they are observing and pausing too. When your partner is speaking, listen.
Listening seems simple but requires the most rigorous discipline for some people. You must stay quiet, keep an open mind and focus. You may need to teach yourself to relax and take a breath when you want to interrupt. Feeling the urge to interrupt is where the challenge is, you can’t do it.
As you listen you will become aware of feelings that pop up, sometimes this is why we want to interrupt. We feel like we can add to the topic, correct something said, fix a problem and we just can’t wait. But interrupting is not listening.
Tuning out is also not listening. Can you hear the full story, or do you find yourself tuning out? You may catch yourself looking around the room, watching TV, staring out the window.
All your responses, including interrupting and tuning out, provide information about the relationship. For example, if you are focused, can easily listen, this relationship is important to you and your partner will understand that.
As I think of more good examples, I will add them to the corresponding blog. You can get a free download Nonviolent Communication in the Lifespan Yoga shop.