Nonviolent Communication Rule 4
Now we will talk about the final rule of nonviolent communication, silence. You have taken time observing the situation, pausing before you speak, being careful to not blurt out something you regret, speaking your mind, and then listening to the response.
- Observation in silence
- Pausing (and now speak)
- Listening
- Silence
SILENCE
Now the final rule of nonviolent communication is silence. Silence is good. Silence helps figure out what you are feeling. This takes some time. You listened carefully and now reflect on what was said. Decide if it is important and if it is truthful. The silence after listening gives us time to digest what we just heard.
Isn’t it interesting the nonviolent masters teach us about communication by telling us to spend most of the time quiet? Observation, pausing before speaking, listening and silence is a lot of quiet time and can be a difficult discipline, especially if we like to talk.
I watched a video of a man pumping gas and he was being harassed by some sort of law enforcement person. The officer was asking for his “papers” and lying to him about how he must produce “documents”. The man kept pumping gas and was very nonviolent in his communication style, showing incredible discipline. He was silent most of the time, he knew he had the right to remain silent. He knew he did not have to show the officer a thing. He kept pumping his gas, listening to the officer become aggressive, badgering him, and asking for documentation to prove he was a citizen (which he was). It ended up the man pumping gas was a lawyer, sued the officer and won.
When I saw the video, I thought I was watching the 4 rules of nonviolent communication in real time. Observe in silence, pausing before saying a simple sentence, then listening, and more silence. This is a great example of nonviolent communication in a toxic situation.
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